Young Fathers Must Grow Up Too

As I said in one of my last posts I am currently seeing a new guy. Well this new guy has a friend that has two kids with two different mommies. I didn't judge him until yesterday. As me and my boyfriend got back to his house this friend came over. We were standing in the living room discussing the events of his baby mama and how things were going and in the conversation he made comments like "I gave up on working it out with her a long time ago she just doesn't know it" and "We will never work it out" this infuriated me. Why? Because as he was talking about this and her I had flashbacks of how my ex treated me and he probably made these same comments. Both my boyfriend and I agree that he is being stupid but that is not the fact of the matter. The problem with this is the fact that he does not act like a father. He acts like he is a single man and he is NOT he is a FATHER and he should start acting like one. Personally I feel very sorry for both his daughter and son and their mothers because as he is out hoeing around and playing daddy every other weekend they have devoted their live to raise these children. I wish young fathers were forced to grow up the same way young mothers are. But I guess the world just doesn't work like that. I am just thankful that I don't have to put up with my son's sperm donors bs and I have a wonderful man in my life that thinks of my son as his own. :)

The Internet, Television, and Teenage Pregnancy

Teenage pregnancy has been a topic of discussion for the last couple decades; things such as why it is happening and what can society do to prevent it. Recently there has been a different debate considering teens and having children, and that topic focuses on the media’s play in the epidemic. Shows like The Secret Life of an American Teenager, which started in 2008 portray the life of a freshman in high school having children. The main focus of this show is to inform teenagers of the struggles that being a young mom entail. The controversy with shows like this is that it is glorifying teenagers having children, and leading them to getting pregnant themselves. Teenage pregnancy is an evident problem in society today, and the media is helping glorify the lifestyle.

            Surprisingly the birth rates of teenagers decreased by forty-two percent from 1990 to 2008, but three out of ten teenagers with get pregnant at least once before the age of twenty. Nearly half of these teenagers will not graduate high school and only two percent will achieve a college degree by the age of thirty (dosomething.org). Even though the teen birth rate is decreasing television shows such as: The Secret Life of an American Teen, Teen Mom, and 16 and Pregnant continue to glorify having children while still being considered a child.

Many of the parents in these shows do not seem to care that their teenager is having a child and many help them out financially, mentally, and some even take custody of the infant and raise their grandchild. Many of these young moms are shown going out, drinking, doing drugs, and dropping out of high school or college, instead of raising their children. This gives the viewers a very unrealistic view on the struggles of being a young mom. In the article posted by mediainfluenceonteenpregnancy.com, the author brings up a valid point about what about the normal teenager, not on television with parents who cannot afford to support her and her child. It is very prevalent that the media does not portray these situations. Another topic these shows do not discuss and should is how not to get pregnant, contraception and how to use it; instead they focus on the after effects. It seems like the media is trying to make it okay to be a teen parent, and forming a new definition of what a teen parent is. According to Google’s dictionary a teen parent is defined as a custodial parent between the ages of thirteen and nineteen who is enrolled in high school or a GED program. This statement definition clearly leaves out those few teen parents who are under nineteen and going to college, such as myself. It is degrading, stating that teen parents under the age of nineteen are only enrolled in high school or a GED program. The media has another opinion to teen parents going to college; it simply does not happen, at least not very often.

The interest in sexual intercourse starts with television shows Rick Nauert claims that adolescents who watch excessive amounts of shows with sexual content are more likely to be involved in a pregnancy. The television shows that these teenagers are watching very rarely state the precautions that need to be taken while partaking in intercourse, TV shows are made for entertainment not for education. The RAND Health researchers’ voice that exposure to sex on television increases the risk for teen pregnancy because it leads viewers to believe that there is no risk in engaging in sex without the use of contraception. But contradicting all of the information that puts blame to television promoting teenage pregnancy in an interview with Bill Albert, the chief program officer for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, he states that television can be just as good of an influence as it is bad and that no one thing is going to solve the problem. When teens are watching the shows like 16 and Pregnant it is an excellent opportunity for parents to step in and talk to their child about contraception and how to prevent pregnancy. Parents like to point the finger at television shows and the media instead of taking the opportunity to talk with their child about what they do not like about the show and how to prevent not acting like the characters in the show. This leads us to the discussion concerning the controversial issue stating whether these shows are beneficial to teens or if it is damaging and promoting teenage pregnancy.

In Gina Stepp’s interview with Bill Albert she asks him the question “Is there a common denominator among teens who become mothers?” to my surprise he answers this question saying that there is no common ground between any of these girls, they all have different backgrounds. He states that the numbers are way too high to be able to find any common ground between the three out of ten girls who will become pregnant before the age of twenty. This ties into our discussion about the media’s play in teen pregnancy in the event that since there is not a common link between the girls the television shows they are watching has nothing to do with it. A girl coming from a disadvantaged home with little to no television stations has the same capability of getting pregnant as the extremely advantaged girl with all the stations. This concludes that the shows promoting and glorifying being a teen mother really have no influence on teen girls getting pregnant, but television can increase the likelihood in both genders to partake in unprotected intercourse.

In November of 2008 psychcentral.com posted an article stating that “Adolescents who have high levels of exposure to television programs that contain sexual content are twice as likely to be involved in a pregnancy over the following three years as their peers who watch few such shows.” This strong claim expresses that teenagers should steer clear of all movies and television shows that promote, have any kind of sexual intercourse, or any sexual references. As teenagers watch and are exposed to teenage pregnancy as a “normal lifestyle” they begin to think it is okay and may even attempt to conform to this idea of “normal”. What these teenagers do not realize is that the teen mothers that appear on shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant get paid to appear on the show which allow them to not live in poverty and are able to live away from their parents, but in reality teen parents only get paid less than half of the poverty rate. The adolescents viewing these shows are naive in thinking that a reality television show is a true representation of how being a teenage mother would actually be. Which brings up the point of what should be done about these shows, should they be discontinued or is it the parents’ responsibility to talk with their teenager about the issues that are not discussed on the show such as the paycheck.

When two individuals decide that they are going to become parents they take on the whole role of informing their child of all the fantasies of the world, and when that child is a teenager the excessive sexual content that is seen in the  media is one of those things that should be discussed. The American Academy of Pediatrics started the campaign, Media Matters, to inform parents of how influential television and the media can be and how to discuss this with their children, their main goal is to alert parents that it is their job to monitor and control what their child is viewing. MTV as well started a similar campaign to challenge teenagers and young adults to change their sexual behavior. These campaigns are only useful if they are used, and many people do not listen to the messages, they instead pull the wool over their eyes and try and believe that there is not a problem with their child partaking in intercourse. In some ways the parent is just as naïve as the teenager, they both believe that “this won’t happen to me”. With shows like Teen Mom and The Secret Life of an American Teenager on television and being watched it opens up a great opportunity for conversation with one’s child and this opportunity can and should be used, though it may not help the effects of the teenager getting pregnant it can help with the communication between the parent and child. These shows are made for entertainment but also to start discussion and to help the parent-child relationship.

With the statistics of teen parents as dangerously high as they are parents need to be talking to their children about the effects of becoming a teen parents, they need to be watching these shows that portray and to a point glorify the role and discuss how hard it would be to become a teen mother or father themselves. Parents need to take their head out of the sand and talk about the uncomfortable topic of intercourse and protection to prevent becoming grandparents at a young age. The media’s role in the epidemic of teenage pregnancy is both good and bad but it is ultimately up to the parents to decide how far they will let television, movies, and the internet glorify the not so glorious role of being a teen parent. 

Someone New

Something simply magical and a gift from God happened this past memorial day weekend. I found a guy! Yes, that is right a very awesome guy that I have been chatting with for quite some time asked me out on a date, and it was amazing! I was really shocked at how caring, sweet, and adorable he is! Not saying this in a bad way but the majority of the guys that I have accepted dates from since having my son have not made it from that 1st date and well this guy made it to a second and a third and even a relationship of the all mighty facebook! As a single mom this is a big deal for me because the psychological abuse that my ex put me through made me believe that I would never find a guy that would treat me the way I want to be treated, like a princess, and this guy does just that he treats me like royalty and the most shocking of all....he has not tried to get in my pants yet! As a single young mom this is a big thing for me. For once in the past two years I feel like I have actually found someone that has the potential to last a long time. Only time will tell what will happen for now I am still in the first dating gitters but I am so excited that I have someone the respects not only me but my son and my family. :) <3

Freedom Writers

I watched one of my all time favorite movies yesterday, Freedom Writers, but this time my reaction to the movie was very different. For those that don't know the base line of the movie: It's 1994 in Long Beach, California. Idealistic  Erin Gruwell is just starting her first teaching job, that as freshman and sophomore English teacher at Woodrow Wilson High School, which, two years earlier, implemented a voluntary integration program. For many of the existing teachers, the integration has ruined the school, whose previously stellar academic standing has been replaced with many students who will be lucky to graduate or even be literate. Despite choosing the school on purpose because of its integration program, Erin is unprepared for the nature of her classroom, whose students live by generations of strict moral codes of protecting their own at all cost. Many are in gangs and almost all know somebody that has been killed by gang violence. The Latinos hate the Cambodians who hate the blacks and so on. The only person the students hate more is Ms. Gruwell. It isn't until Erin holds an unsanctioned discussion about a recent drive-by shooting death that she fully begins to understand what she's up against. And it isn't until she provides an assignment of writing a daily journal - which will be not graded, and will remain unread by her unless they so choose - that the students begin to open up to her. As Erin tries harder and harder to have resources provided to teach properly (which often results in her needing to pay for them herself through working second and third jobs), she seems to face greater resistance, especially from her colleagues, such as Margaret Campbell, her section head, who lives by regulations and sees such resources as a waste, and Brian Gelford, who will protect his "privileged" position of teaching the senior honors classes at all cost. Erin also finds that her teaching job is placing a strain on her marriage to Scott Casey, a man who seems to have lost his own idealistic way in life. Now seriously if you haven't seen this amazing movie go watch it before reading the rest of this post!

All the other times I have watched this movie I've just had that happy feeling that Erin helped kids that others felt were a waste, because frankly no one is a waste! But this time it hit me very differently. I realized that English is a very touching subject one that many hate but it is the subject that can change lives! Those that keep a journal are said to be more at peace with themselves and less likely to commit any sort of crime, keeping a journal is a type of English subject! It's the creative aspect of English! That is what Erin made her students do, learn that just because they may not have anyone in their life that they can talk to they can write it down with becomes the same sort of escape. The other comparison I made with this movie is the fact that these "Street" kids were thrown under the bus by society and the school system this made me think of how teen parents are treated. They too are thrown under the bus, looked down upon, and have all these unnecessary statistics about them that only lead them to failure. I know many adults that were teen mothers living an AMAZING life not in poverty, they are educated, and though they may not be married to their baby daddy they are married and HAPPY with someone else. The stats about teen parents in  my opinion should be tossed out the window and forgotten about. They are prejudices JUST like the underprivileged teenagers in Freedom Writers. Erin Gruwell inspired me beyond belief yesterday, the sense of union that she brought to those teenagers and the feeling of SUCCESS made me realize that is exactly what I want to do with my life! I want to change the lives of people, make them realize that just because they may be "underprivileged" in the eyes of others they are not and one can succeed at ANYTHING they want as long as they want it bad enough! 

A little bit about me

I am a wonderful single mom to my handsome little boy, not only am I a mom but I am also a college student and I work. Unlike most single women with children that call themselves a single mom I don't receive child support nor does he take him for a weekend. I am around 24/7 there are no breaks. That is what a single mom is all about. I guess you could call his father Missing In Action, I refer to him as a sperm donor. But, without the help of him I never would have gone to attack my dreams. I want to be a writer. I want to change young peoples lives with my story and my life. I am currently a sophomore at my local university at the age of 18. I am on track to graduate my undergraduate program at the age of 20 and will continue to follow my dreams into a graduate and PhD programs. But, this road has not been easy nor will it get any easier. Being a single mom is quite lonely. My ex was abusive, he distanced me from my friends, made me feel useless, and left. He did all this damage and walked away. Now, I am stuck in an 18 year olds body not knowing how to make friends, who to trust, or frankly how to move on with life. My ex, who we will refer to as SD for sperm donor, set doubt in my mind, doubt that there is anyone out there that will ever be a wonderful father to my son, or will love me because I have a kid, in SDs mind I am a slut (his words not mine). That is the point of this blog. Not only in the hopes that others read it and can relate but to document the struggles and hopefully use it in getting my PhD.