Identity: Embrace It or Die Trying to Be Someone You're Not.

The title says it all. I am who I am. I embrace being a teenage mother. Why? Because it's who I am! Why would I try to hide it? Being a teenage mom has gotten me to where I am today. It's lead me to success, shit I am graduating college in three years, I have bragging rights.

But what makes me mad is when people do not embrace their identity, and then turn around and dog on yours. I've been put down so many times for the lifestyle I choose, but I choose it not you. You don't have to live my life, in my shoes, so why tell me it's wrong?

You're probably wondering where the root of this came from. Well, I was sitting in a class the other day (I am going to keep this as anonymous as possible) and someone had the nerves to talk down on young moms. As I am sitting right there. Again I don't hide who I am everyone knows I had my son at a very young age. This individual kept saying how we are going no where in life, how it is wrong for teenagers to be allowed to have babies and how she doesn't appreciate paying for them. This is not the first time this individual has made such comments in front of me. But what really astonishes me is how this friend is all friendly and buddy buddy with me, as long as the topic of my son is not brought up. Sorry my son is my best friend, it is impossible to not talk about him!

Footnote: the video above I made before these comments were made.

Society's views on teenage pregnancy are a load of crap. Again I am graduating college at the age of 20, who are you to tell me what I should do. And for the record I am on no kind of state welfare! 

But what makes me even more mad is the saintly qualities this person presents to the world. I do not present to know it all, or that my lifestyle is the only one out there. I don't judge individuals to the best of my ability. That is not our place. We are all human. And no one is perfect. Please start acting like it. Because someday this person may find themselves in a statistical situation, and hunny Karma is a bitch.

My identity is a teenage mom. I don't pretend to be something other than that. So why do people talk bad about the who population with a member of that population sitting right beside them? 

I embrace it. I love being a young mom. I wouldn't change my life for the world. And the four moms in the video above embrace it too, because they are not what everyone wants to believe they are. They are not a statistic and they definitely are not Jenelle Evans (sorry Jenelle). We are not all barefoot and pregnant, doing nothing, and gettin no education (dialect indented). We do try to do our best. We do try to inspire others in our situation, because guess what IT'S NOT EASY. And it doesn't make it any easier when you stereotype us. 

I am to the point that I feel like I need to stand on a pedestal and yell to the world "I GOT PREGNANT IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I'M GRADUATING COLLEGE AT 20!" Will that help? Probably not. Will it make me feel better? Maybe.

My request for you, starting today. Try your hardest not to judge someone that doesn't live life the way you think they should. It's their life not yours. And secondly embrace who you are and realize we are all human. <3

A Ramble About Life Present in "Nineteen Minutes"

A lot has changed. But the thing that has changed the most is my perspective. My perspective on what you might ask. My perspective about the world around me. I am taking a censorship course this semester. My final paper is going to be over a book that is highly challenged due to it's content. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, deals with more than just a school shooting.

I am only 241 pages into this book (to be exact) and already I am questioning life around me. I am questioning my motives, how I treat people, and why in the world would people want to censor a book that talks about every single thing bad that can happen in life. Because frankly I would rather have my son experiencing this through a novel then in real life.

I am 241 pages in and already these themes have been covered: school shooting, bullying, young pregnancy, single motherhood, relationship abuse, sex, popularity, drinking and driving, death, ect. I could go on and on. Every horror that you don't want your child to experience first hand is presented in this novel.

To censor this book in schools is to censor life. I am positive that somewhere in this list you can relate to something. I am sure sometime in your life you have been bullied, or you've had someone die, or you've just wanted to fit in. Maybe you haven't found yourself in an abusive relationship or in the middle of a school shooting, but you've been in other bad places. This book brings these bad places together, to help sympathize with the child that's been bullied since his first day at kindergarten.

This book is one that I've cried with, I've laughed with, and I can only read so much of. I don't want to connect with these characters but Picoult does an amazing job of pulling you in. It takes a book like this to be able to sit down and look out the window and fully think about life and death, good and bad, and the future.

My goal in life isn't to just teach English. It's to inspire. I want to become someone that young girls and boys look up to and say "She  became successful, so can I." I want my name to be known not because I care about the money, but I want to change the world. Today when someone says "Oh she's a teenage mother" there are so many bad thoughts that go through someones head. Immediately they thing that you are on state welfare, WIC, and every help you can get from the state. Immediately they look down on you. They think nothing is becoming of your life and you ruined your life. Guess what! That is wrong!

Here I am, 20 years old and 39 days away from graduating with a Bachelor's degree. I have a three year old who I had at the age of 17. I am sure you can do the math, but let me help you. I got through a four year college degree program in three years.

Alex, a character in nineteen minutes, also gets pregnant young and raises her daughter by herself. She also becomes a Judge.

What am I trying to say? Frankly that this book may have pages and pages of horror, but it also has inspiration.

Opening your mind up to books, ideas, and horror can open your life up a new perspective. I hope that the parents that are challenging this book have read it for themselves, because if they have I don't think they would be challenging it. This book brings in all the ugly, and frankly I would rather go through this experience in a novel form than in real life.

Going through a traumatizing even like this in real life does not give a person room to understand the individual or the actions done. I sympathize with the shooter. Yes I said it. I feel bad for him. Why? He' s been bullied since kindergarten, by everyone! Including his older brother. All he wanted was to kill himself, but as he tells the cop "all the other kids got in the way." HOW SAD! This young man felt that the only way to be heard would be to kill himself.

I could ramble off passages that disturb me. But they don't disturb me because of the content they disturb me because nothing is being done to help this young man. One of his teachers even tells him mom that he has to learn to live with the bullying! Are you kidding me?!

Nobody likes to feel like they are nothing but a nuisance. Frankly I hope parents read this book and see that children can be moved by seeing what bullying does to a person. Not every child bullied will turn into a school shooter, but they will still be damaged.

Before challenging this book, look at the positives. Life is not rainbows and butterflies. It sucks! Reading about the horrors is better than experiencing them. I believe that this book can change a teenagers life.

Starting Over

It's always scary to start over, whether it's a job, changing your degree, moving, or a new relationship. For me it's a multitude of things. Despite others opinions I have started over with someone else, but that's my decision, right? Within this beginning with someone new I have decided to change my life style. And a lot of it. Those of you that know me personally know that I can not be the happiest camper, amazing right? Positive thinking is definitely not my strong suit, but I am making it such. For me my negative thinking went farther than just seeing the glass as half empty, it consumed my life. I was moody, mad, hated life, and always felt fucked. Literally. It seemed every day for the last two semester I have had the feeling that I am going to fail. I don't know why, I am a straight A student. It was dumb really. I was living in my own personal hell. Maybe it was because I just wasn't happy with life in general or maybe it was just me.

It hit me one day. Life doesn't suck. You are making it suck. And YOU need to change that. So that is exactly what I am doing. I've 'liked' thousands of things on Facebook that are about the power of positive thinking and I am honestly trying to distance myself from all the negative people in my life. I am starting my life over, fresh. In all honesty I have never been happier. Some say it's the new guy in my life that treats me like a Queen, and that is a lot of it. But the biggest aspect is me. I have changed my thinking. I'm not looking for the reasons to be unhappy, I am looking for the opposite. I didn't enjoy the last years of feeling like the world is always falling apart. I am sure you don't either, if you can relate to this.

Life is hard enough. Why do we make it harder? Why do we choose to surround ourselves with negative people? I have a challenge for you today. Distance yourself for the negativity, like the above image says. Start today, you'll see a difference. :) <3

Dating and single parenthood

It is no secret that dating as a single mother is hard. Especially when she has her child 24/7. Tomorrow marks a month. It has now been a month since Eugene and I broke up. Not only does it mark a month, it marks a year and a half that we would have been together. This date is bittersweet. The break up had to happen, neither one of us were happy in the relationship, but I think the hardest part of all of this is not how I am taking it. It is how my son is. 

When a man comes into a life of a single mother and stays for a large amount of time. When he becomes invested in the family structure and the routine of everyday life. That man takes in the role of daddy. It is a fact of life. If he is not comfortable with that role he shouldn't become involved and invested. Because when that relationship falls apart it is worse for the child. I don't know how many times I have been asked "when is daddy coming home?" How do I answer this? I have just been saying that "he's on a trip" I can't find it within myself to bash someone that simply 'changed his mind.' Am I wrong for this?  

Don't get me wrong. I am angry, very angry. That he can walk away with no repercussions. No feelings. No feeling of loss. He just walks away, sorry for nothing. He walks away empty handed while I am left once again to pick up the pieces. Is this what being a single mom is all about? Constantly picking up the pieces? I want to say no, but at this point letting someone else into my son's life seems far fetched without a wedding date made..I can't break his heart like that again.  It is not fair for a two year old.  

But what makes me every more upset is he was in the life of this little boy for a year and five months. He held him when he was sick, watched him strive, and grow. He allowed him to call him Daddy. How can he just walk away? I think my little boy is incredible, maybe I'm biased. Maybe I am the shallow one thinking that this isn't hurting him at all. Maybe he does look at the pictures of my wonderful son and cry. But if he does, why doesn't he do anything about it? This is what leads me to think he doesn't care. 

So a tip for all guys out there that are thinking about dating a single mother, or are getting to the point where you are meeting her child(ren): Dont. Unless you are 250% positive that you are ready to become a father or take on a family role. If you have any questions about anything DO NOT get involved. Share your concerns with her, she will understand. But don't make the children suffer because you are not sure if you are ready to settle down. 

Women are not toys to be played with. This goes for single mom or the party girl you met last night. We have feelings. We think into things, and overreact. We are filled with drama, and cry for no reason. But we can love and care about you more than you ever thought possible. As for the single mom population. We know rejection. We know how to work hard, and we know how to love hard. Do not take advantage of that. We can be the best thing that ever happened to you, or your worst night mare. 

Each and every single mother out there is fiercer than a mother bear when it comes to her children. Don't put the children in the middle of your insecurities. :)