It all began my senior year. I suppose I was going down a destructive
path far before then, but this time God just gave up on me. Or maybe he just
handed me the road to success; I can’t really say. All I know is my senior year
of high school was a dreadful mistake...
“Hey Edaline!” Maccyn shouts.
“Hey! Whose Cubcat time are you in?”
“Mr. Fineburg’s,” she says making a
very prominent frowning face.
“Oh my god! Me too!”
“Yay! Did Jerrick take you home last
night? I left pretty early,” she says.
“Yeah, then we had a fight. He was
all drunk and stuff. I don’t think it’ll last much longer. Did you hear from
Jacoby?”
“No, but I bet I will. His birthday
party is in a couple weeks. Should we crash it?” I say with a sly smile on my
face. Jacoby is my on and off boyfriend for the last five years, and he is turning
20 in a couple of weeks. Though we are not technically together at this moment
I still want to show up at that party. I want us to be known as high school
sweethearts who get married and have like four kids. I don’t want this yo-yo
dating to continue.
Maybe, because I am a senior it will
help everything. Everything is always hard in high school, right? Everyone is
going through changes, trying to find out who they are. Well I have always
known who I am, but Jacoby, well that’s a different story. He always treats me
like a child even though there is only a two year difference; I am 17 and he is
20. That shouldn’t matter though, they say men mature slower than women. Maybe
this weekend I can prove I am not a child. Maybe I can prove to him that I am
the wonderful young lady that he needs to fall in love with, because well I
don’t want to have wasted these last five years to throw it all away.
***
The first week of school went by in
a flash considering we only had two days. As the weekend approached the talk of
going to Jacoby’s party, a party that could ruin my life.
Standing
by our vehicles (we always park together at school then at least we know who
dings our vehicles) in Tahoma High
School’s parking lot, I am spacing off staring at the wonderful white topped
mountains in the background. That I would much rather focus on than this
conversation. This week is our first football games, and according to Annabeth
and Maccyn it was our “senior duty” to show up at the first football game. I
would rather curl up with Mockingjay,
and be taken into another world, but for now I suppose I must listen to what
the theme for the football game is…
“I really would like to go to the
first game. What is the theme? Togas?” says Annabeth.
“Yeah I think it is, let’s go to the
game then out to Malster’s pre 20th party.” says Maccyn.
“Why? So, we can all get drunk and
then once again I get back together with him?” I say.
“No. So, he can see how awesome you
are doing without him. Besides I doubt you will even see him. It’ll be packed.”
says Annabeth.
Jacoby
and I did not need to get back together again it was time for us to part ways.
And we both know that us seeing each other will lead to this. I have had enough
of him. “Fine. Meet at my house at 6 to get ready?”
“Sounds good!” both the girls say in
unison.
Sighing I look down at my phone
which has not stopped going off for even two minutes all day hope I see u
tis weekend. I shiver with a thought of what is to come. I don’t want to
become his child again. I already have parents I don’t need another…but, maybe
Annabeth and Maccyn are right, maybe him seeing me looking super sexy will make
him realize how much he misses me and then maybe he will change. For once.
***
Upon Annabeth’s arrival at my house, Maccyn is styling my
long brown hair up into a twisted pony. “Do you guys really think I look okay?”
I ask.
“Of course you do! Now after the game we can just take off
the sheets and head out to Jacoby’s” says Annabeth, flipping her hair back to
create volume.
Looking fabulous in my black skinny jeans that fit every
curve of my legs perfectly, my shirt is a very loose bright pink v neck that
plunged to my belly button, under that I have a black sparkle tank top. I look
perfect. For once.
“I really want to make his jaw drop when I walk in.”
“Are you almost ready!?” Maccyn says while looking at
her phone.
“Yeah, let me just pack my purse”
“Don’t forget your fake ID!” they say in unison.
I always do seem to forget that. I find my hot pink crossbody purse, that’s as big as
a tote bag and begin to fill it with my foundation, powder, lip gloss, mascara
(both regular and waterproof), and eye liner, just in case my night took a turn
for the worse then at least I can cover the bruises... I also decide to sneak
some tissues, a flashlight and an extra shirt in the bottom of my bag just in
case. I then throw in $20 and left my card in my change mug that way when that
money is gone it’s gone. Maccyn coughs. “I’m almost ready!” I throw in my cell phone, Ipod, a change of
shoes, my flask, driver’s license, my fake ID for buying alcohol, and my car
keys even though I am not driving. I zip it up quickly and run out of my room
not realizing that Maccyn and Annabeth are already in my kitchen waiting on me.
“Okay, I’m ready. Bye Mom! I’ll let you know when I’m on my
way home” I shout.
“Thanks hun” she replies, not even turning around from the
kitchen sink to acknowledge that I’m leaving.
As we jump into Annabell’s truck I grab the USB cord for the
stereo and crank up the music to LMFAO’s “Sexy and I Know It”.
When we arrived at the
stadium, I look around just to realize that the whole town seems to be
here..but that doesn’t take much. I checked for his vehicle, which was stupid
he wouldn’t come to some high school football game even if I got down on my
knees and begged. He is too good for that. But again, my mind goes to the
glorious white tip mountains. Someday I wish I can disappear into those
mountains forever, life would be easier without humanity. Annabeth grabs my arm
and drags me into the stadium. I really need to get better and spacing out but
keeping one ear into the conversation.
“Hey! I said do you want food?!” Maccyn shouts at me.
“Yeah, grab me Snickers.”
“Finally you answer me! I only asked you like ten times!
What is the matter with you?”
“Nothing, I was….just enjoying the band.”
“Nothing, I was….just enjoying the band.”
Maccyn and Annabell laugh at me. They have to know something
was wrong but they don't want to ask for fear of losing their night with free
alcohol. That is what I am worried about: ruining their night.
As the game comes to an end with us bears winning 51-7 we
all join arms to sing our school song. Luckily I am in between Maccyn and
Annabeth so no one can tell Jacoby that I linked arms with any other guy. We
skip our way to Annabeth’s truck singing “Heeeeyyyyyy hey baby. I wannaaa
knowww, I you will be my girl bum bumpbump bum.” I throw off my flip flops and
pull out my tall black Naughty Monkey's with just the right amount of sparkle
and a slight heel.
“Let’s stop and get gas and some Dew. They should have
plenty of alcohol out there” Annabell says.
While looking at my phone I respond “Or maybe we could go to
Jerrick’s party..?”
“Why? Did he text you?” Maccyn says.
“No, but I’m sure he is having a party he always does on
Friday nights.”
“Okay, really why do you not want to go to Jacoby’s?” says.
Annabeth
“Because we all know how it’s going to end up.”
“No we all don’t so please share”
“It’s going to end up with me seeing him with another girl
and leaving the party, leaving me to have to walk home.”
“I promise if he is there with some other girl I will bring
you home before I start drinking. But, I am positive that he is not with
someone else. I am positive that he will see you looking fab and you two will
get back together” Looking at me with a sly grin
“Is that really what needs to happen?”
“Why, shouldn’t it? Everyone knows how cute you two look
together!” Maccyn says.
“Cute does not make up for everything else…”
“Everything else?”
Maccyn says. looking quite confused.
“Nothing….nothing else…” I just can’t admit that I am stupid
enough to stay around after he has cheated on my more times than I can count.
But that is on a need to know basis, and they don’t need to know.
“Alright? But if there is something else you know we are
here for you” Annabeth says.
So, that is that and we head out to Jacoby’s party.
After a short half an hour in the car we arrive at Jacoby’s
house to find the driveway and the street lined with cars, bumper to bumper. Yeah,
this is totally not obvious. All these cars are totally not going to attract
any attention whatsoever. I grab my purse just in case. Slowly I get out of
Annabell’s truck and make my way into Jacoby’s house. I am terrified of what I
know is to come. As I walk into the house the smell of dog piss catches me off
guard. It has only been two months, but that smell will never get old…or less
disgusting.
“Hey ladies!” says Declan.
“Hey!” we reply.
“Long time no see” says Claire.
“You guys look cute tonight!” Alice says as the four of us
snap a quick selfie.
The farther into the house we make it the more of his
friends I see, but I don't see him.
“Hey Aiden!” I say losing track of where Maccyn and Annabeth
go.
“Hey Edaline! Didn’t expect to see you here? You guys
together?”
Smiling, “No, just decided to come crash it” Aiden and
Jacoby never really got along. Aiden has had a crush on me since before pre-k
but Jacoby was always the one to steal my heart, but maybe not this time. “What
are you doing here?”
“Oh you know free beer” Holding up his drink
Laughing, “Yeah, I
better go find myself some of that”
“I’ll join you.”
“Okay.” I know he is following me just in case I run into
Jacoby. He is always the guy to save me from the drama. The one that is always
there for me when all comes crashing in. In all honesty he is he only one there
when everything does fall apart, the one that fixes the tears, and makes me
feel partially whole again. He is the one is should have been with all along.
Aiden and I make our way into the kitchen to find all sorts
of alcohol. Jacoby’s mom always purchases tons of it for these parties. I grab
a Mike’s and we head outside.
“It’s so nice out tonight” I say leaning against the edge of
the deck.
“I love coming out here it is always so clear” he says
looking up at the sky.
“Yeah, that is one thing I miss, being able to just lay and
stare at the sky” As I began to look at the sky my eyes meet his, and he
proceedes to make his way to us. Great, now here comes the moment where I
get yelled at for showing up to this party uninvited and for not answering his
slew of texts from the past weeks. I look frantically around for Maccyn and
Annabeth or some kind of escape route. I take a couple steps down the stairs
heading towards another crowd. Then I hear it. I hear his sweet voice saying my
name and in that very instant my knight in shining armor vanishes like a ghost.
“Edaline?” Jacoby says.
Turning around I reply “Yeah?”
“I didn’t expect to see you here” He comes bounding toward
me like a cat to his prey.
“Me either. Annabeth and Maccyn wanted to come. I just
tagged along.” I say checking my phone and taking the slightest step backwards.
“Well good. Then we can talk. Since you won’t answer my
texts” Jacoby moves aggressively closer to me.
I won’t answer your texts for a reason. I am over you. Done. I think while taking a step
backwards. “I didn’t know you texted me,” looking at my phone, “I guess my
phone didn’t receive them.”
“Oh.” He looks at his phone, “well, before you leave can we
talk?”
“Yeah, of course.” Oh god this is not going to end the way I
planned but it is going the way I hoped...I think.
“Good,” he says smiling, grabbing my hand forcefully, he
really doesn't give me a choice. Kind of like a lion will not let go of his
dinner for the night I have to go with him. “Well let’s go enjoy this party!”
I go with him not knowing what to think or how to feel. I
should be done with our yo-yo dating and his…comments about me..his actions
when things don’t go his way. It is not fun for me. But, a part of me does not
want to be done with it. A part of me doesn't want to be done with him. A part
of me wants to hope that this time he has “changed”.
The rest of the night is a blast, more fun than I can
remember any of his parties being. We all stand around the beer pong table
taking turns playing. Jacoby and I were kicked out of playing, because we
always win, and we enjoy winning, together.Turning to each other with the
biggest smiles on our faces, Annabeth and Maccyn aproach with an eaqually as
big smile.
"We should begoin," says Annabeth"
Leaning over close enough so I can smell the stench of
alcohol and fresh cigarette smoke, "You should stay we've hadn't talk
yet"
I know I shouldn't stay, but a part of me wants to tell him
all of my discomforts of getting back together. Though I know I won't stand up
to him. This is why I shouldn't stay. I need to find a backbone before I stay
here again with him. "Gals I think I will stay here. Jacoby wants to talk,
and I am just far to drunk to face my mom."
The smiles return to their faces. I am still sipping on my
first Mike's, but neither of them will argue with me. They want me back with
Jacoby. They want the chance to party every weekend and get free beer every
weekend. And me and Jacoby getting back together is that ticket."Okay.
Call me tomorrow?" says Annabeth, and before she turns away she offers me
a wink. I offer her a weak smile in return, because she doesn't even know how
much I wish she would tell me I can stay at her house. She has no idea that I
shouldn't be here.
I turn around to and
meet eyes with Aiden who has overheard everything, he even knows how big of a
lie I have just told, and I wish he would save me from this lie. But he
doesn't, instead he shakes his head and walks out of the door. My only knight
in shining armor has left the enemies' kingdom, and doesn't even try to win his
prize.
***
When I walk through the door later the next morning, I see
my mom lying on the couch as a rush of guilt washes over me I realize I forgot
to tell her that I was not coming home. She wakes up the minute I close the
door, inviting the smell of detergent and Clorox. Mom is laying on the leather
couch that wraps around the whole living room making it easier for me to
disappear from the walk of shame.
“So, where did you end up staying last night?”
“Jacoby’s”
A look like she has just ate a lemon washes over her face
“So, you guys are back together again?”
“No, I just went with Maccyn and Annabeth to his party,”
looking at the TV,
“they had drank quite a bit so we all decided to stay there.”
“they had drank quite a bit so we all decided to stay there.”
“How hung over are you?”
“Not at all, I didn’t drink” that is the worst lie I have
ever told her, well maybe not as bad as telling her that I am still a virgin.
But she knows deep down that both of these are untrue.
“Well, I hope that you don’t get back together with that
trouble maker. He is not good for you. You need to go to college and do
something with your life. He is…”
“...yes mom I know. I
am going back to my room to do some homework.”
When I get to my room I remove all the items from my purse
that I realize I didn’t need last night, though I wish I had needed them.
Unfortunately something else happened. Burying my face in my pillow I lie there
and cry. I should really figure out what I want in life. My mom is right I need
to let this trouble maker go and do something with my life. I really wish I
knew how to listen to my own heart…
***
Over the next few weeks I hear nothing from Jacoby and as
homecoming is rolling around I am asked by Aiden. I accept the invite. My mom
was more than excited that I was going with him and not ‘the boy that no longer
needed a name in our household’.
Why don’t you call into work tonight. Let’s take off and go
to Seattle and find you a dress for homecoming. My mom texts me.
I have never been a fan of texting so I call her to decide
whether it was truly a good idea for me to really take off of work to find a
dress.
“Hello.” Mom answers.
“Hey! Do you really think I should call in?”
“Well, you work all weekend and then the following weekend
is homecoming. If you want to not see yourself walking by we should probably go
to Seattle tonight.”
“What should I tell Savita?”
“Tell her your Grandfather is not doing well again, and your
parents are going to Seattle to see him and you want to go with. You will be
out of town no one will know the truth.”
“Okay. I’ll see you at home in an hour?”
“Yes. Love you hunny.”
A long two hours later we arrived in Seattle and proceeded to our favorite mall, Westlake Center. We found ourselves in Younkers looking at a beautiful silver pleaded fitted dress. It fit me perfectly, in all the right places.
A long two hours later we arrived in Seattle and proceeded to our favorite mall, Westlake Center. We found ourselves in Younkers looking at a beautiful silver pleaded fitted dress. It fit me perfectly, in all the right places.
“You look gorgeous.” Mom says with tears in her eyes.
I turn around to see myself in this dress, and for the first
time I believe her. Maybe it's because I know I am going to have the night of
my life with Aiden, or maybe it's because I finally feel free of Jacoby's spell.
Either way I finally see what everyone else does when they say I am beautiful,
sexy, gorgeous, and pretty. I see a beautiful brown haired girl, with striking
blue eyes, who is going to blow Aiden away.
And I cannot wait.
***
As the day of homecoming approaches I start not feeling like
myself. I am feeling very sick early in the morning and start eating a ton of
food. I blame it on all the stress I think I am enduring but in the back of my
mind my worst fear is haunting me. I decide to go to lunch with Annabeth the
day before to finalize plans for homecoming night.
“I think we need to get a test” she says, “and you should
have told me sooner. I thought you were mad at me whenever you said you were
“busy” and couldn’t go drink with us.”
“I am sorry. I was not sure what to think or who to talk to.
But what if I am just dramatizing? My mind is playing tricks on me, it does
that a lot.”
“You are late, we are getting a test tomorrow night after
the dance”
“Better be after Aiden drops me off at your house. We will
change and everything there. Mom wants pictures at the park and she will cook
dinner.”
“Of course, just tell him you are staying with me. I’ll take
you home afterwards”
***
The day has finally arrived. Homecoming is here. That
morning I go to get my hair and makeup done. Then take my dress over to
Annabeth’s where I will get ready.
“Can you zip me please?”
“Yeah...was this zipper always this tight?!” she said
“....No...”
That uneasy feeling fills my gut and I push it back down
calling myself crazy... I brush all feelings to the side and go on to have the
best night of my life; knowing it would probably be the last. As Aiden drops me
back off at Annabeth’s we say our goodnights and I go inside to figure out what
was really going on with me.
“I have a test,” she says “now go take it.”
I dilly dally around a bit, not wanting to know the results,
but at the same time I do. A few minutes later I emerg. With tears in my eyes I
look at Annabeth and exclaim “It’s positive!” She gives me the biggest hug
squeezing me until I felt like I am going to hurl and tells me everything is
going to be okay, but I really can't see how. I can't wrap my mind around the
fact that I am now 17 and pregnant.
After I get through the initial shock I decide to call
Jacoby, whom I haven’t heard from since the night of the party. I really want
nothing to do with him anymore but I guess he has the right to know. I have
decided in my mind that we are toxic, but now I guess I have to deal with him….
“Hi, uh Jacoby?”
“Can I help you”
I pause, trying to get ahold of my breathing so I don’t
sound like a child crying on the phone, but it doesn’t work and breaking down
in tears I cry “I’m pregnant”
Without missing a beat,“So, what are the chances it’s mine?”
“Considering you the only person I have ever been with. It’s
yours.” I cry. How can he say something like this to me?!...but really it is
not that big of a surprise.
And then just like that he hangs up. Hangs up the phone. I
slowly pull my phone away from my ear. As the tears well up in my eyes I just
sat there, staring at it.
“Edaline? Hey, hun?” she magically appeared beside me with
her arms around my shoulders.
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
Seriously what kind of question is this? Are you okay? Well,
of course I am not okay. I am pregnant my ass hole exboyfriend does not care
about me and now I am just a disappointment to my family. My family. How am I
going to tell my mom?! Oh. God. I hold my tongue this time. Which
honestly is not hard, I do the only thing I can in this moment, because words
just are not working for me. I lay into Annabeth’s shoulders and I cry, huge
tears, I sob.
As I walk into the
house I can barely look my mother in the eyes. I go straight back into my room
and begin posting the pictures from the night. The last high school dance I
will ever attend. Because I am pregnant.
How could I have let this happen? He was drunk
that night not me. I should have been more responsible. Why? Why? Why? I can’t
tell my mom. I can’t hurt her like this. I know I will be doing it alone.
Jacoby will never grow up. I should have been done with him years ago. And how
could he hang up on me like that? He doesn’t care about me. He never did. Picking
up my phone, I delete his number from my phone.
