Moving!!

I am moving my blog over to my website! You can now find me at http://www.elizabethsorgenfreiwrites.com/! We'll see you there :)

The Power of Three

When my son turned one it didn’t seem to faze me. I was fairly excited that we had made it to this milestone, because he shouldn’t have. He was premature at 36 weeks 6 days. He was considered premature by one day, but developmentally it felt like more than just a day. He didn’t breathe at first and by the grace of God we had a wonderful nurse that recognized this before it was too late. He ended up spending a week in the NICU, the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Even when he came home, I spent that first year sheltering him from everything and everyone because the littlest cold could kill him.

            After that first year, the fear diminished, I do not worry as much about him as I once did. I do not worry that tomorrow he could come home with RSV and we will end up right back in the hospital. Instead I worry about him growing up.

            I realized today that my baby is three. He is 90% of the way potty trained, drinks out of a glass, has a love for books, and talks in semi-complete sentences. This realization not only scares me it is heartbreaking. My fragile baby now tells me not “to touch me” and would rather play with his cars and watch a movie than sit on mommy’s lap (except right now, he's currently asking me which one of his books I want him to read to me). He can communicate exactly what he wants in words, not cries. The power of three.

            He is no longer considered a baby; he is a toddler. He can keep himself busy. He can be his own best friend. He can feed himself, and put himself to bed. I no longer have to frantically call the doctor when he is coughing so hard that he vomits, he now can have ‘big boy’ cough medicine, and he takes it like a pro! The power of three.

            He's learned to ride a bike. He's learned how to open a bag of cheez its. Not only is he growing and learning new things, but so is mommy, so am I. The power of three.

            I am learning patience, and succeeding in more than I ever thought I would have. I am learning that this is not the last time I am going to have to let him go right into the mud with his trike or let him get scratched by the cat because he threw his cup at her. I can't protect him while our dog is trying to lick him, because he needs to learn to deal with problems himself. I never thought I would be that overprotective mom, but I am. I don’t want anyone or anything hurting my baby. But, he knows right from wrong and I cannot continue to shield him from the consequences. And as much as you might want to argue that he doesn’t know right from wrong I have a wonderful example: Today as he was being the ornery little boy that he is, he was walking towards my mother’s flower garden (which he knows he is not supposed to mess with).  As he is walking in a dead straight line towards this he looks back at me and grandma; he gives us a huge smile, leans down to touch the flower, turns back around and says to us “no. no!”
Or this: He had an accident today. He was too busy watching his movie to go potty. Well he wet himself, and instead of saying anything he started crying. He cried and cried and cried, until I told him he wasn't in trouble. Then he stopped crying.

            Even at three he knows right from wrong. Isn’t this incredible?

            The age of three is not just an age. It is a learning experience for everyone. Each person in my son’s life must learn the proper discipline and how much freedom each person will give. And for Mommy, well we must learn how to be patient and let go, so we can properly raise an independent, smart, man. 

It All Begins With a Dream

A year ago my Grandfather passed away. It was tragic. Death always is. But through meeting all this family that only remembered me when I was young and sweet, I met someone who started a dream of mine. I am currently living that dream.

Jody Keisner found out that one of my hair pulling dreams is to obtain a Masters in English Creative Writing, more specifically, Fiction Writing. At my Grandpa's funnel she came over and apologized for my loss and then started talking about my fiction writing. She talked about this MFA program out of UNO like it was the whip cream on top of a sundae, the best part. I shrugged her off and went back to wallowing in my sorrows.

A few weeks later MFA and UNO kept finding their way into my thoughts, I thought I was going crazy for awhile. They whispered their way into my life. Finally I got quite annoyed with my psyche and sat down to explore what this thing was all about. Soon I found it was a low-residency program.

This made it seem unattainable. I'm a mom I can't take nine days out of my life, my job, and away from my child. No matter how sweet the program is. But UNO and MFA kept whispering their names in the back of my mind. They drove me nuts.

Finally the time came to apply and make decisions. I applied for the Iowa Writers Workshop, because you can't be a writer and not apply to the program that everyone talks about, UNK, and then last but not least the pesky UNO MFA program.

As time when on last semester UNO and MFA kept appearing in my head, and on my Facebook page. I swear to you. This thing was haunting me. It was driving me nuts. I had it in my head that I was going to attend UNK for a Masters in Creative writing, and then I would maybe, only if money allowed, get an MFA. 

Well, I heard from UNO and the director, Jenna, was really pushing for an answer. Telling me that this was the right choice. I kept telling her I wasn't sure because I had never heard back from UNK as to whether I could teach and specifics on that program. So I laid down one night. In my mind I weighed the pros and cons of each school. 

I laid there and thought about my Grandpa, and how proud he would be of me to just be laying here and be making a decision about Graduate School. I thought about how I found out about this program--at his funeral. A voice in my head told me to "Just do it." 

I walked in for orientation, and was greeted with open arms. I was engulfed in love, appreciation, and acceptance. I was brought under the arms of some of the 4th semester and Graduating students. The first time I met Jenna she shook my hand and engulfed me in the love of a truly caring director. This love is what makes being here 9 days in a row not overwhelming, or boring, or over the top.

I've been here 6 days and already I feel like I have another family. And I do. I have met the beginnings of what will build and build to be known as my writing family.

Here I am, sitting in my hotel room taking in what seems like a dream, but I know this is right where I am supposed to be. I am appreciated, loved, and free here. This is where Grandpa wanted me to go. I was just too stubborn to take the hints. 

I also was offered a scholarship to be a Resident Assistant, this scholarship pays me in full room and board to be Jenna's right hand man. I cannot even begin to describe my thrill for this little bit of money and the opportunity to work side by side the one person that gave me the push, the little incentive I needed to make a decision, and follow the pesky voices in my head. This scholarship not only adds to my resume, but it also adds to the line of people and things telling me that I can't give up until I achieve this dream.

I am so thankful for being able to be 20 years old, attending Graduate School, Facetiming my son every night, and be somewhere where I am not a nerd, but rather a peer. I'm making memories, embracing the awkwardness, and for the first time in the past year I know Grandpa is standing beside Jesus looking down on me saying "Look, that's my grandbaby."

Identity: Embrace It or Die Trying to Be Someone You're Not.

The title says it all. I am who I am. I embrace being a teenage mother. Why? Because it's who I am! Why would I try to hide it? Being a teenage mom has gotten me to where I am today. It's lead me to success, shit I am graduating college in three years, I have bragging rights.

But what makes me mad is when people do not embrace their identity, and then turn around and dog on yours. I've been put down so many times for the lifestyle I choose, but I choose it not you. You don't have to live my life, in my shoes, so why tell me it's wrong?

You're probably wondering where the root of this came from. Well, I was sitting in a class the other day (I am going to keep this as anonymous as possible) and someone had the nerves to talk down on young moms. As I am sitting right there. Again I don't hide who I am everyone knows I had my son at a very young age. This individual kept saying how we are going no where in life, how it is wrong for teenagers to be allowed to have babies and how she doesn't appreciate paying for them. This is not the first time this individual has made such comments in front of me. But what really astonishes me is how this friend is all friendly and buddy buddy with me, as long as the topic of my son is not brought up. Sorry my son is my best friend, it is impossible to not talk about him!

Footnote: the video above I made before these comments were made.

Society's views on teenage pregnancy are a load of crap. Again I am graduating college at the age of 20, who are you to tell me what I should do. And for the record I am on no kind of state welfare! 

But what makes me even more mad is the saintly qualities this person presents to the world. I do not present to know it all, or that my lifestyle is the only one out there. I don't judge individuals to the best of my ability. That is not our place. We are all human. And no one is perfect. Please start acting like it. Because someday this person may find themselves in a statistical situation, and hunny Karma is a bitch.

My identity is a teenage mom. I don't pretend to be something other than that. So why do people talk bad about the who population with a member of that population sitting right beside them? 

I embrace it. I love being a young mom. I wouldn't change my life for the world. And the four moms in the video above embrace it too, because they are not what everyone wants to believe they are. They are not a statistic and they definitely are not Jenelle Evans (sorry Jenelle). We are not all barefoot and pregnant, doing nothing, and gettin no education (dialect indented). We do try to do our best. We do try to inspire others in our situation, because guess what IT'S NOT EASY. And it doesn't make it any easier when you stereotype us. 

I am to the point that I feel like I need to stand on a pedestal and yell to the world "I GOT PREGNANT IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I'M GRADUATING COLLEGE AT 20!" Will that help? Probably not. Will it make me feel better? Maybe.

My request for you, starting today. Try your hardest not to judge someone that doesn't live life the way you think they should. It's their life not yours. And secondly embrace who you are and realize we are all human. <3

A Ramble About Life Present in "Nineteen Minutes"

A lot has changed. But the thing that has changed the most is my perspective. My perspective on what you might ask. My perspective about the world around me. I am taking a censorship course this semester. My final paper is going to be over a book that is highly challenged due to it's content. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, deals with more than just a school shooting.

I am only 241 pages into this book (to be exact) and already I am questioning life around me. I am questioning my motives, how I treat people, and why in the world would people want to censor a book that talks about every single thing bad that can happen in life. Because frankly I would rather have my son experiencing this through a novel then in real life.

I am 241 pages in and already these themes have been covered: school shooting, bullying, young pregnancy, single motherhood, relationship abuse, sex, popularity, drinking and driving, death, ect. I could go on and on. Every horror that you don't want your child to experience first hand is presented in this novel.

To censor this book in schools is to censor life. I am positive that somewhere in this list you can relate to something. I am sure sometime in your life you have been bullied, or you've had someone die, or you've just wanted to fit in. Maybe you haven't found yourself in an abusive relationship or in the middle of a school shooting, but you've been in other bad places. This book brings these bad places together, to help sympathize with the child that's been bullied since his first day at kindergarten.

This book is one that I've cried with, I've laughed with, and I can only read so much of. I don't want to connect with these characters but Picoult does an amazing job of pulling you in. It takes a book like this to be able to sit down and look out the window and fully think about life and death, good and bad, and the future.

My goal in life isn't to just teach English. It's to inspire. I want to become someone that young girls and boys look up to and say "She  became successful, so can I." I want my name to be known not because I care about the money, but I want to change the world. Today when someone says "Oh she's a teenage mother" there are so many bad thoughts that go through someones head. Immediately they thing that you are on state welfare, WIC, and every help you can get from the state. Immediately they look down on you. They think nothing is becoming of your life and you ruined your life. Guess what! That is wrong!

Here I am, 20 years old and 39 days away from graduating with a Bachelor's degree. I have a three year old who I had at the age of 17. I am sure you can do the math, but let me help you. I got through a four year college degree program in three years.

Alex, a character in nineteen minutes, also gets pregnant young and raises her daughter by herself. She also becomes a Judge.

What am I trying to say? Frankly that this book may have pages and pages of horror, but it also has inspiration.

Opening your mind up to books, ideas, and horror can open your life up a new perspective. I hope that the parents that are challenging this book have read it for themselves, because if they have I don't think they would be challenging it. This book brings in all the ugly, and frankly I would rather go through this experience in a novel form than in real life.

Going through a traumatizing even like this in real life does not give a person room to understand the individual or the actions done. I sympathize with the shooter. Yes I said it. I feel bad for him. Why? He' s been bullied since kindergarten, by everyone! Including his older brother. All he wanted was to kill himself, but as he tells the cop "all the other kids got in the way." HOW SAD! This young man felt that the only way to be heard would be to kill himself.

I could ramble off passages that disturb me. But they don't disturb me because of the content they disturb me because nothing is being done to help this young man. One of his teachers even tells him mom that he has to learn to live with the bullying! Are you kidding me?!

Nobody likes to feel like they are nothing but a nuisance. Frankly I hope parents read this book and see that children can be moved by seeing what bullying does to a person. Not every child bullied will turn into a school shooter, but they will still be damaged.

Before challenging this book, look at the positives. Life is not rainbows and butterflies. It sucks! Reading about the horrors is better than experiencing them. I believe that this book can change a teenagers life.

Starting Over

It's always scary to start over, whether it's a job, changing your degree, moving, or a new relationship. For me it's a multitude of things. Despite others opinions I have started over with someone else, but that's my decision, right? Within this beginning with someone new I have decided to change my life style. And a lot of it. Those of you that know me personally know that I can not be the happiest camper, amazing right? Positive thinking is definitely not my strong suit, but I am making it such. For me my negative thinking went farther than just seeing the glass as half empty, it consumed my life. I was moody, mad, hated life, and always felt fucked. Literally. It seemed every day for the last two semester I have had the feeling that I am going to fail. I don't know why, I am a straight A student. It was dumb really. I was living in my own personal hell. Maybe it was because I just wasn't happy with life in general or maybe it was just me.

It hit me one day. Life doesn't suck. You are making it suck. And YOU need to change that. So that is exactly what I am doing. I've 'liked' thousands of things on Facebook that are about the power of positive thinking and I am honestly trying to distance myself from all the negative people in my life. I am starting my life over, fresh. In all honesty I have never been happier. Some say it's the new guy in my life that treats me like a Queen, and that is a lot of it. But the biggest aspect is me. I have changed my thinking. I'm not looking for the reasons to be unhappy, I am looking for the opposite. I didn't enjoy the last years of feeling like the world is always falling apart. I am sure you don't either, if you can relate to this.

Life is hard enough. Why do we make it harder? Why do we choose to surround ourselves with negative people? I have a challenge for you today. Distance yourself for the negativity, like the above image says. Start today, you'll see a difference. :) <3